so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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