Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
