It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
