Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
