If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
