I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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