mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
