my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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