i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
