im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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