is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
