I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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