my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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