Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
