I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
