That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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