I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
