so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
