I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
