i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
