I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
soo... how was my night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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