well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
