My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
