I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
