I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
