I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
