Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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