the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
