girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
