He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
