I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
