question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
