You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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