you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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