george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Let's get the cat blown out
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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