Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
