There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my being single is dangerous.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
