Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
