Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
