How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
