I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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