fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
