He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
