Who wears a wallet chain?!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
