You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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