There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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