I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
