She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
