Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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