You work out of a Hotel?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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